Cinderella

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It's 2015. We don't need a new Cinderella movie. However, if Disney feels so inclined to give us one, I don't think it's too much to ask that we get a new Cinderella movie. But is this what we're given? Nope. The film, its characters, and its messages are just as animated as if they were taken straight out of a classic hand-drawn movie. And when I say animated here, I don't mean "lively" or "spirited," I mean "fake" and "cartoonish."

So why do I hate this movie so much? Well, I wouldn't say I hate it, per se. In terms of the film as a whole, it wasn't terrible - it just wasn't very good. But to make matters worse, there was plenty in this movie to not only dislike, but to loathe. Keeping in mind, once again, that it is the year 2015, the portrayal of Cinderella as a weak-willed and pathetic damsel is anti-feminist, extremely offensive, and possibly quite damaging to the young viewers in the audience. But hey, at least they got to enjoy Frozen Fever beforehand if they weren't standing in the popcorn line for too long.

In this movie, Disney had the chance to improve on the so-so reputation it has in regards to its messages towards young girls. In the past, it's been slammed for painting Belle as a victim of domestic abuse and Snow White and Sleeping Beauty as helpless women in comas who can only be awoken by the kiss of a man they barely know. A retelling of Cinderella was Disney's opportunity to follow the suit of strong females seen in Frozen and Tangled. Instead, they keep the orphaned girl exactly as she's always been, negatively socializing girls into believing the only time they should stand up to someone is when that person is threatening the impressive status of the man they have a crush on. Because, you know, be kind and have courage, and all that good stuff.

But let's take a step back from the harmful approach this movie has, and look at its general storytelling capabilities. Here, too, it's unsuccessful. It takes far too long to get into the grown Cinerella's storyline, and when she's an adult, she's surrounded by a ridiculous group of terribly directed actors. Say what you will of her character, but as Cinderella, Lily James is able to bring her dimension when the writing gives her none. Unfortunately, I can't say this for anyone else. Even two-time Oscar-winner Cate Blanchett, who plays the stepmother, doesn't add much to the movie, especially in the unnecessary and often torturous scenes with her wicked daughters. As the prince, Richard Madden disappoints, especially when compared to his previous fantasy period-piece work in "Game of Thrones."

But what about the artistic aspects, where the movie probably shined brightest? Again, you'd be wrong (unless you're talking about the film's score, which is completely magnificent). While some costumes and set pieces dazzle, others are so clunky they have the appearance of being designed by a high school prom committee. On top of that, the visual effects were laughable, given that it is, once again, 2015.

So in Cinderella, we're force-fed these dated and damaging messages for nearly two hours, whether it be through Cinderella's indifference towards her abuse or through the sight of her waistline shrinking as the Fairy Godmother prepares her for the ball. But even worse is the fact that the film seems to make zero attempts to be original, or that fact that Helena Bonham Carter's Godmother is essentially a cameo. Rats don't live for 18 years, smashing a human-sized pumpkin against a stump while you're inside leads to death, and no one looks under secret floorboards unless they're lead to believe there's something there. Cinderella may look good at times, and might not bore your brains out, but it's offensive, uneventful, and potentially detrimental to the future of some of its young viewers.

Rating: 2/5